I'm Always Right: Top 10 Beyoncé Videos
My excitement for the Renaissance video(s) is morphing into obsequious fear.
In the final verse of her new song “Heated”, Beyoncé raps the line “Drinking my water / Minding my biz / Monday I’m overrated / Tuesday, on my dick”, and in that moment, I knew she was targeting me directly. I can admit to being a flip-floppy, wishy-washy fan, tweeting screenshots of Mrs. Knowles-Carter wearing an unflattering bob with the caption “It’s not working sis :/”, only to change my tune the moment she posed for Instagram in the same Alessandra Rich tartan skirt I’ve been coveting for months. I’ve been a loyal follower of “Queen Bey”, as it were, ever since I received a Destiny’s Child album for Christmas as a first grader, but I have never let myself become a diehard fan with no standards: I’ve always had one foot in, one foot out of the Beyhive, positioned to bolt at any moment. I am what’s known as a Beyoncé opportunist, professing my undying devotion upon thrifting a pair of gum-sole Adidas from her Ivy Park collection, then rebuking her whole discography after those ultra-chic sneakers gave me plantar fasciitis.
So, when Renaissance was announced, I was skeptical and pessimistic. I’d listened to Lemonade and her soundtrack for The Lion King: The Gift and found them both very forgettable, edging on corny, and felt Beyoncé was becoming too affluent, old (in pop star years) and out-of-touch to produce anything worth getting excited about. At midnight on July 29th, the night Renaissance was released, I stretched out across my bed with my headphones on, already rolling my eyes at the tracklist’s names, glad for the chance to be excessively critical of every single moment across the album, and by 12:13am, I was stunned, caught by surprise, eating my words and repenting for trespassing against Beyoncé, an artist who has more tricks up her sleeve than I like to give her credit for. Renaissance is 66 minutes of nonstop dance hits meant to be played in a packed nightclub at 2am, and it is Beyoncé at her best, brightest and sonically speaking, her youngest. Every song is its own party, every horny, bossed-up lyric is clever and modern and sung/rapped with untempered charisma, and every beat is crammed with the dense history of black dance music, from a Donna Summer sample to a boisterous Big Freedia feature on the lead single “Break My Soul”.
Since its release, I’ve had to force myself to take tolerance breaks from Renaissance, listening to radio static and Kim Wilde’s 1981 self-titled record on my drive to work instead. But still, I find myself returning to the record’s phantasmagoria and, as I wait with bated breath for the music videos set to accompany every Renaissance song, I’ve conducted my own research into her stacked videography, taking notes and steeling myself for what’s to come. After days spent watching Youtube at work, on the treadmill, and in the airport, I have compiled the official, comprehensive list of Beyoncé’s ten best videos. Please, humor me:
10.) “Get Me Bodied [Extended Mix]”, B’Day (2007)
No Beyoncé best-of list is complete without this video (not that you’d need any list other than this one, as “Lindsay’s opinion” is a synonym for “hard, cold fact.”) With Beyoncé in Cleopatra-esque eye makeup, appearances from Solange, Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams, and delectable choreography from the bridge through the outro, this video is quintessential for wedding guests who rely on songs that tell them exactly how to dance (ie “Electric Boogie”, “Cupid’s Shuffle”, “Step in the Name of…” never mind, scratch that last one…)
9.) “Party”, 4 (2011)
As someone who prefers house parties that feel more like kickbacks than all-out ragers, “Party” (a la Lady Gaga’s “Just Dance” and Miley Cyrus’ “We Can’t Stop”) feels familiar and down-to-earth. The backdrop of extended-stay motels and mobile home communities add to the humble realness of getting just tipsy enough to put on your snazziest coat and let your best friend take saucy photos of you in the bathroom while full-bladdered strangers pound on the door outside.
8.) “Me, Myself and I”, Dangerously in Love (2003)
I know I said I don’t care for Beyoncé wearing a bob, but this video is the exception. I, too, have cut my hair off in response to a break-up, though I’ve never done it after keying my ex’s car, or repeatedly kicking him in the gut, or throwing a coffee mug at his head. I’d be willing to give it a shot, though.
7.) “Ghost”, Beyoncé (2013)
Directed by Belgian visual artist Pierre Debusschere, this video matches the stark minimalism of the song’s production and vocal performance to a tee. It possesses a German expressionist flair, even evoking dance numbers by the late Pina Bausch, a dancer and choreographer instrumental in establishing the über-experimental genre Tanztheater.
6.) “Ring the Alarm”, B’Day (2007)
I saw this video for the first time while staying the night at my grandfather’s house, up before the sun because I couldn’t get comfortable on the itchy couch. At the bridge of the song, there is a close-up of Beyoncé’s makeup-less face with a tear quivering in her left lash line. I remember being in awe of how beautiful she looked in that three-second frame, hoping I looked that pretty when I cried too, and this video has stayed with me for fifteen years for that moment alone. Also, I love when pop stars wear gloves, an oft-neglected accessory in modern times.
5.) “Why Don’t You Love Me”, I Am… Sasha Fierce (2008)
Movies and music videos about beautiful, bored, lonely women succumbing to alcoholism and/or psychotic breaks are among my favorites, as it makes me feel less weird about sometimes having a small meltdown while shaving both my legs. (Honestly, I’m lucky if I can get through one shin before I’m thrown into a trichology-triggered ennui).
4.) “Grown Woman”, Beyoncé (2013)
The uncanny valley effect of the CGI’ed lips on childhood footage of Beyoncé does make me a bit queasy, but the appearance of her mother Tina, and noticing the falling-off of Beyoncé’s necklace during a dance number makes up for it. Also, the last third of this video looks an awwwwwwful lot like Rihanna’s video “Rude Boy”, but let me mind my business…
3.) “Sweet Dreams”, I Am… Sasha Fierce (2008)
All of the uptempo songs on I Am… feature exceptional choreography, black and white coloring and minimal set design, but “Sweet Dreams” offers the juxtaposition between soft, flowing motions and percussive pops that mimic the drums of the song. The video feels like the direct inspiration for “Ghost”, a song that was released five years later as Beyoncé began referencing her own oeuvre on her self-titled album, and it includes an archived Thierry Mugler corset in all its gilded glamour.
2.) “Check On It”, The Pink Panther Soundtrack (2006)
1.) “Blow”, Beyoncé (2013)
The glossy red lip, the neon costume-clad dancers gyrating under blacklights, Les Twins, the hardly-opaque lyrical innuendo, the skating rink, the 80’s hair metal vibe at the bridge: what’s not to love? Of all the bones I periodically have to pick with Beyoncé, the most common one is that she is often stiff and over-rehearsed, like she’s trying too hard and takes herself too seriously at times, and it comes across in her work, making a song or video feel awkward and dated as soon as it is released. Many of the videos on Beyoncé and Lemonade feel this way to me: it’s hard to enjoy watching them because they don’t feel like Beyoncé enjoyed making them. “Blow” is certainly the outlier, though, as it’s not a video that has the “proving myself”, “I’m the queen” quality that so much of her more recent work does. I return to this video more than any others from Beyoncé or anyone else because it has everything a music video needs: sex and dancing and fun and cars and guitars. It’s youthful, but still salacious, and just like the song, it feels fresh every time I come back to it.
HONORABLE MENTION: “Telephone”, The Fame Monster (2010) - Lady Gaga featuring Beyoncé
If the music video for your weird Midwestern emo band doesn’t include Lady Gaga and Beyoncé riding around in Tarantino’s Pussy Wagon, wearing telephone-shaped hats and dancing in designer American flag outfits after poisoning everyone in the local diner, I will not be watching. This is, point blank, the fourth best pop music video of all time.